Mommy Milestones

It's been over a month since my last post and that is just far too long for me to go without writing. That isn't to say I haven't wanted to write; I have. I most certainly have. I have this amaze-balls recipe I created that I want to share with you guys but haven’t had time to edit the pictures “just right.” I have created these little lists in my head of all the great things I want to write about and then, one by one, I find some reason to not write about it because "people won't want to read that" or "I'm sure someone else has already done that" or, most commonly, "It won't be perfect."

Enter my Type A, to the extreme, personality.

Won't be perfect? Probably shouldn't do it then. All or nothing, black or white. Whyyyy do I do this to myself?! Why do other women (moms especially) do this to themselves?! And why the hell is it so hard to change that way of thinking?!?!? Here we are, anyway. I have a new little nighttime routine where I lay down for bed and actually pray. I don't talk much of religion because it's such a personal thing and, truly, it's my relationship with God that matters, not anyone else's opinion which inevitably comes pouring out. So I lay down and I throw all my thoughts to God, hope that they're heard, and drift off to sleep. It was in those moments of thinking last night when I thought to myself "I'm not this hard on Caitlin or anyone else in my life; why am I so hard on myself?" and I started thinking of all the baby milestones we CHERISH as parents. Caitlin certainly wasn't perfect when she learned to sit up, crawl, or walk all on her own. But I loved it, you guys. LOVED IT! She didn't need to nail it for me to be proud of her because seeing her just try made my heart literally swell with love.

As I'm thinking of all her milestones that we've kept such good track of I think to myself that moms (and dads!) have their own milestones too. They might not be perfect but who cares! You made it, right? These situations are so far from perfect they're laughable at times but I made it. And with each one, I'm changed just a little bit.

First and foremost the house isn't burned down and my husband and child are fed and happy. We are full of happiness and love. If that's something to start with I don't know what is.

My perfectly imperfect photo with LBR. I posted on Facebook a couple weeks ago about how we so often don't see behind the scenes. Here I am, no makeup and still trying to wake up, but we love one another more than a "perfect" photo could ever represent.

Not rushing to the internet or calling the pediatrician every time something questionable happens to my kid. I've learned that Google can make you think you're dying no matter what symptom you give it and that if I give lots of snuggles, kisses, and band aids and it usually fixes everything right up. Of course I'm not talking anything serious here or saying that you should forego medical care, but taking care of a tiny human is scary. Tiny humans are so....tiny. And kind of weird. And you just don't know what to do with them sometimes. But when they fall and bump their head, some snuggles and parent intuition will do just fine. Milestone! Ambulance NOT needed...{Yet, anyway}

Breastfeeding. I made it. I went from crying while hiding in a closet because I had to feed her AGAIN to feeling sad that it's almost over. The struggles we went through to start that journey were like none I've ever experienced before. I've nursed my sweet girl in her room, to sleep, at Disneyland, to ease her fears, and even while changing a diaper. MILE-FREAKING-STONE.

Laughing in the midst of a middle-of-the-night toddler scream fest. Yep. That's right. A few weeks ago we were on vacation and LBR just did *not* want to go to bed. We kept her out way past her bedtime and had a party filled night that she wasn't ready to let go of. She was so tired that she didn't know how much she needed to go to sleep and WAILED. Not a cry, not a whimper, but a full on "I'm going to scream at the top of my lungs so you know how much I hate this" scream. Did I mention this was in a hotel room? Yeah, I'm sure our neighbors loved us...

In the middle of a blood curdling yell, she let out a burp that was just as loud and I lost it. I laughed so hard I cried. I could've chosen to get just as upset at her because, let's face it, I was just as tired as her but I didn't. I laughed until she fell asleep in my arms. Milestone worthy for sure.

Writing this blog that wasn't super planned out. That I didn't know who would read it or want to read or whatever. Not worrying about being perfect...Yep, that's a milestone.

So from here on out, here’s to working hard to find a little more grace to give to myself in these everyday moments that just don’t feel perfect. It’s ok :)

xoxo

Courtney